"We're Not Really Strangers" Here at UMN: Getting to the Meat of the Conversation

Have you played the card game “We’re Not Really Strangers”? The game sparks conversations, reminding us that a conversation can start anywhere, from a simple compliment we give to someone to asking thoughtful questions to get to know someone better. As humans, we have more in common than we realize. We crave connection and a sense of community, which makes us not really strangers even here at the University of Minnesota.

Have you ever played "We're Not Really Strangers" before?

• Yes
• No

On a campus this big, it’s easy to feel like everyone around you is a stranger. We sit next to each other in class, pass one another in the mall, or work side by side without knowing our coworker next to us. When the silence feels awkward, we default to small talk, and fill the silence with throwaway conversations. They range from mundane topics like the weather or what you’re going to eat for lunch, and while they usually aren’t bad conversations, they span from awkward to boring. And of course these relationships can grow into more, but it can take a lot of time to wade through the fluff at the beginning. 

Deeper conversations also help you understand yourself better. A lot of the time, you don’t fully know what you think until you try to say it out loud. Talking through ideas forces clarity by turning vague feelings into something concrete, and that alone can lower stress or anxiety. Keeping everything light and surface-level might feel easier, but it doesn’t give your inner world much room to breathe.

Do you prefer deep conversations or small talk?

• Deep Conversations
• Small Talk

That’s why we want to avoid small talk: by being frank with each other. Our goal is to fast forward through the small talk and go straight to the meat of the conversation. 

To fast forward through the small talk and get to the meat of the conversation, we need to think of all the layers like a hot dog before we get to the meat. You often layer your hot dogs with toppings such as mustard, ketchup, relish, and onion. Having a conversation is like that, too; we need to take away all the layers within ourselves that make us guarded when talking to a stranger to get to the meat of the conversation. Without those layers, our conversations allow us to be frank with each other, and ultimately enable us to show our authentic selves.

Imagine We Could will be hosting our own “Be Frank” party at UMN designed to solve this problem, cutting through small talk and sparking real conversations. We provide the toppings and prompts, and you will bring your honesty, curiosity, and desire for deeper conversations. Because ultimately, meaningful conversations can lead us to be honest about our thoughts and feelings, and only then can we build strong relationships and have deeper conversations.